Wedding Update (more crap)

I got the place and catering before. Now I have the photographer and a pretty good idea of flowers and musicians. I need to fight my mother over the alterations on the dress. I'm starting to work on music. I've basically decided on the color for the bridesmaids (they get to pick their own outfit, but it needs to be the same basic shade). I trust all of them to make nice decisions, unlike one friend whom I love dearly, but who wanted to buy her wedding dress off the bargain rack at K-mart... Yes, I have a friend with less clothes-sense than me by a mile. One bridesmaid said that I might need a backup, but she'll be able to give me about 2 months notice if she gets called up. She might get called, she might not.

Best quote from a prof this week

"If I don't know what I don't know, how do I know that I do not know what I do not know?"

Edit: putting this into context.

We were talking about the Denver Airport baggage system disaster of an implementation. The people in charge were supposed to pin down certain unknowns. But, they did not know what the unknowns were because they had never done that type of project before, nor did they do their research to learn about them. So how can they be held accountable for not answering the unknowns?

Privatizing Amtrak

Yes, Bush has asked that Amtrak get $0 in federal subsidies this year. What a shock. Something that benefits a lot of people, most of whom aren't rich, gets cut. I think he should ban bailouts of the airlines. No more subsidies for airports. I wish I knew the numbers for that. New York State tried a privatized version of Amtrak, on a route that has lots of riders. It failed. See Newsday's article on that.

Do I ride rail frequently? No. Why not? Its priced too high for the time involved. If I were to take rail to Philly (something I've often considered) it costs $48 each way, or if I get a student discount, $81 round trip. The trip city center to city center is about 30 minutes less than driving. The cost of gas is a tank, so $30. The cost of tolls is... well about $7 each way. Valuing my time at a hefty $20 an hour, that makes the center to center trip round trip $64. In comparison, the train trip doesn't take into account the 1.5 to 2.5 hours necessary to get into the center of DC and from the center of Philly out to the suburbs on SEPTA.

If I'm going to NYC or Boston, however, the picture changes. Its $152 to Penn Station round trip, or $182 to Boston. Boston takes ~7.5 (6.5 on acela) hours. New York ~4. Driving takes substantially longer, unless done to completely avoid anything near rush hour (3pm to 8pm).

When I have taken a train, its usually in the NYC and north region. I wouldn't even consider driving into NYC. Well, ever. $20 per hour parking? I'm taking the train.

If roads were made to reflect the true cost, noone could afford to drive unless they were rich. Same with flying. Get rid of the subsidized airports, and only the very rich will be able to fly. Why is train service singled out? The rich don't ride it.

Here Comes the Axe

Budget Cut Logic
How does the administration decide whether a program needs money? Who knows. If a program works, like money for cops, cut it. If its not sure it works, cut it. If it doesn't work, obviously cut it. In fact, it seems to just be 'cut it'.

And it fails again

So, according to the washingtonpost.com the missile defense system failed its test. Again.

Everyone who was surprised by that please raise your hand.

*looking around*

*still looking*

Right. Noone. This thing will never work and it doesn't protect us from the current danger. It protects us from the supposed danger of 20 years ago - that the USSR is going to launch nukes at us. Or maybe China.

The current danger is more that the leftover uranium from unprotected places like ex-USSR facilities gets into the hands of "bad guys", smuggled into the U.S. through our unproctected borders and ports, and set to damage a high population center with a dirty bomb. Russia and China have no current incentive to go to war with us. China might at some point over Taiwan. But right now we're too occupied in the middle east to turn a concerned eye to the eradication of democracy and rights in Russia, or to the growing force of China's mostly state-controlled system on our economy.

But a nuke, launched from afar, coming into the country... highly unlikely. And if it was, to hit and knock it down? Our most precise missles don't hit 100% of the time on a target that's stationary. Surface to surface with line of sight is still less than 100%. Surface to air with line of sight is less than 90%. Without line of sight, it drops tremendously. Missiles move too fast for anything but the most minute corrections to be made in time. So why are we spending all this money on such a fancy concept that is completely beyond our capabilities? Why are we not spending the money on things that would actually protect us - like border and port security? Like improving police and fire and other emergency personnel response? Like getting enough reserve medicine in case of an attack with bio weapons.

But no, we need the fancy idea of shooting missiles out of the air.

Life et. al.

So I went up to visit some old friends in Connecticut. Between that and my aunt's funeral , I was thinking about where things fit into my life.

I have a few, very few, friends. I have quite a few acquaintences. There are about 3 people who call me to do anything, and then it usually has to be something very specific. My oldest friends, those from college, call me.... almost never. I email some of them once or twice a year. And if I don't make the effort, they don't. Yes, we've all grown up, had major life changes, moved on. But I know we're still "friends" but we're not close anymore. I don't know if that would change if I lived nearer any of them. In college I was frequently left out as well. I distinctly remember asking them to wait - for weeks, months - for me to get back from practice before heading off to dinner. They never did. All I was asking for was 30 minutes. But I wasn't worth that much to them.

I had some friends at my first job. None of them speak / email / IM me any more. We never did anything social, though. They were all set in their groups, and I was not allowed in. At my second job I made some friends. I had a lot more then than I do now, as most of them have fallen out of touch. I'll meet up with them on occasion, but not frequently. Maybe 2-3 times a year. I had one friend at my 3rd job. But then again, I was still outside that person's realm. They had events, I was not invited. Now at my 4th job, I have a couple of friends. I rarely talk to any of them outside of work. I tried to be social - I invited people to go do all sorts of things. No takers.

I am the forgotten one in my own family. Despite the fact that I live ~30 minutes from my aunt/uncle, I was never invited over. If I called, I would be invited to something, but otherwise.... never. My cousin lives ~45 minutes from me. She never calls either. When my brother is having a new kid, how do I find out about it? 3-4 weeks later when I call my parents. And then they mention something related to it and I'm left wondering WTF, until I realize its a new kid. Everyone else in the family - all the way down to distant relatives - were told, but not me. Noone thought to call me, or drop me an email, or even snail mail.

I realize that some of this is my personality. I am aloof. I tend to hold myself separate. I am am not particularly gregarious, nor am I funny. Also, some of this is just time and nature. People grow apart. People move apart. Their lives and things that are important to them change.

All this leads to what one coach told me: 'You are a very angry person.' Am I angry first and then I lose friends? Or is it the losing friends that causes me to be angry? Not to mention the external factors - I always strive to do well, and when I can't I get frustrated. As I get more frustrated, I get angry. So, how do I break the vicious cycle? I don't want to be an angry person. But I can't seem to help it.

And I go on in the world, each year fewer and fewer people would even notice if I disappeared. At some point, it will be down to DF / DH and noone else. Because, quite frankly, I don't matter.